Stupendously Girly, Rambunctiously Alive.

Sabar menanti.

2011-08-01T04:40:00.001-07:00

The last 48 hours has been really trying for me... I really want to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Di dalam hidup ini, semua ada waktunya.
Ada waktunya kita menabur...
Ada juga waktu menuai.

Mungkin dalam hidupmu badai datang menyerbu,
Mungkin doamu bagai tak terjawab!
Namun yakinlah tetap.

Tuhan tak'kan datang terlambat!
Juga tak akan lebih cepat
Semuanya....
Dia jadikan indah tepat pada waktuNya.

Tuhan selalu dengar doamu!
Tuhan tak pernah tinggalkanmu!
PertolonganNya pasti'kan tiba tepat pada waktuNya.

Bagaikan kuncup mawar pada waktunya mekar
Percayalah...
Tuhan jadikan semua indah pada waktuNya.

Hendaklah kita s'lalu hidup dalam firmanNya
Percayalah Kepada Tuhan!
Nantikan Dia bekerja pada waktuNya.

Tuhan takkan datang terlambat
Juga tak akan lebih cepat
Ajarlah kami selalu menanti waktumu Tuhan.

:)

2011-07-28T18:47:00.000-07:00

Belajar dari bunda Theresa, tadinya gw pengen marah marah dan ngata ngatain orang... tapi dibaca baca lagi pesan dari bunda Theresa... membuat gw bisa sedikit melapangkan dada...

Kerendahan Hati (Mother Theresa)

Berbicara sesedikit mungkin tentang diri sendiri
Uruslah sendiri persoalan-persoalan
Hindarilah rasa ingin tahu
Janganlah mencampuri urusan orang lain
Terimalah pertentangan dengan kegembiraan
Jangan memusatkan perhatian kepada kesalahan orang lain
Terimalah hinaan dan caci maki
Terimalah perasaan tak diperhatikan, dilupakan dan dipandang rendah
Mengalah terhadap kehendak orang lain
Terimalah celaan walaupun anda tidak layak menerimanya
Bersikap sopan dan peka, seklipun seseorang memancing amarah anda
Janganlah mencoba agar dikagumi dan dicintai
Bersikap mengalah dalam perbedaan pendapat, walaupun anda benar
Pilihlah selalu yang tersulit

Is that a question?

2011-07-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

The thing is my idea is really good.

07:36

2011-07-24T17:30:00.000-07:00

Setitik perih yang ada, mendewasakan kita semua.

Today.

2011-07-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

One has to be fairly strong to withstand a heartbreak.

Why try so hard to be good when you can be great?

2011-06-09T11:18:00.000-07:00

A good chest player sees 5 steps ahead.

A great chest player sees just 1 step ahead, but it's always the right one.

The silent memory of God.

2011-06-07T22:10:00.000-07:00

Strength comes from different sources.

We gain strength from food,
from working out,
from lifting weight,
from kind words,
from encouragement of others,
from love,
from other people's energy,
from audiences,
from hate,
from revenge,
from our ambition,
from inspirations,

Those strength I have, it's within me. I'm familiar with them. I know, which

But lately, I've experience something that's beyond them.

It's a simple strength that get me out of bed, work productively, carry on with life and live in a state of grace. There's nothing in this word that will allow me to gain that strength. So I believe that God is with me, at my low ebb, in my darkest hour... I've asked him to be with me and that foreign strength came upon me... emerge from my being.. into my life. I am not within God, but God is within me.

Sometimes.

2011-06-01T11:55:00.001-07:00

I wonder how much I can take.

Mau pergi kemana... Ke Plaza Senayan ya?

2011-05-31T01:28:00.000-07:00

Kemarin ada sapi sapian di dalam mobil bak di tengah jalan.

Lucu

.

I tell you how I feel, right now.

2011-05-14T03:50:00.000-07:00

How can someone so pretty can be so duplicitous... maybe someone ought to put her back on the ground.

Found myself just the other day
In the backyard of a friend's place,
Thinkin’ about you,
Thinkin’ of the crowd you’re in,
What you up to where you've been?
(Just thinkin’)

You know the clothes that you wear,
And the color in your hair
Shouldn’t change you
Now you tell me why it’s so
You bigger than Mighty Joe,
(At least you think so)

Got my fingers burnt
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don’t know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

Threw my smoke down on the ground,
Turn my head and I heard the sound,
(That reminded me)
Of the days so young and sweet
Always so much fun to meet
(At least I thought so)

Now you think you're so damn fine
You can rule the world no not mine,
I don’t think so

Got my fingers burnt
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don’t know,
If I can call you and tell you I care

Now the scene that you’re in,
And the people that you've been with
Just get to me,
But you think I’m not as cool,
As you are so beautiful
Well who you fooling

Well I’m here to tell you babe
The game you're in is just a game
So damn pretentious

Got my fingers burnt
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don’t know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

You think you’re so beautiful

Here's to you.

2011-04-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

No complaints and no regrets
I still believe in chasing dreams and placing bets
And I have learned that all you give is all you get
So give it all you've got

I had my share, I drank my fill
And even though I'm satisfied, I'm hungry still
To see what's down another road, beyond a hill
And do it all again

So here's to life
And every joy it brings
Here's to life
To dreamers and their dreams

Funny how the time just flies
How love can go from warm hellos to sad goodbyes
And leave you with the memories you've memorized
To keep your winters warm

But there's no yes in yesterday
And who knows what tomorrow brings, or takes away
As long as I'm still in the game, I want to play
For laughs, for life, for love

So here's to life
And every joy it brings
Here's to life
To dreamers and their dreams
May all your storms be weathered
And all that's good get better

Here's to life
Here's to love
And here's to you

What Props Got to Do with It?

2011-04-05T05:36:00.001-07:00

Big props suppose to promise big results. However, when it's been used one too many times... they just losses their weight.

It just become ... Props. Just props. No added value to it.

Like a rolling stone.

2011-04-04T09:54:00.000-07:00

Semua orang yang mengenal gw dengan baik tahu. Camelia bukan orang yang sabar menunggu.
Namun seiring bertambahnya umur dan pengalaman, mau gak mau kesabaran itu terlatih dan bertambah.

Meskipun begitu, sumbu pendek emosi masih tetap saja ada. Ya kita hadapi saja semuanya.

Kesabaran. Mungkin bukan sesuatu yang gw miliki. Tapi gw selalu berusaha untuk berlapang dada. Menerima baik dan buruk perlakuan orang... Bukan berarti gw bakal diam kalau diperlakukan semena mena... tapi ya gw bisa menerima semua itu dengan lapang dada.

Rock and roll.

So far, I still know who you are... but now I wonder who I was.

2011-03-22T09:24:00.000-07:00

I like the time when you type key word "perfect + lyrics" and it was Smashing Pumpkins' that came up and not Simple Plan. Ironically they're both have the same innitials.

All I want is someone to believe.

2011-03-14T08:36:00.000-07:00

I've shared to my lovely Riop before about a fact that not many people knew... and now I'm gonna share it in my blog... I like to listen to melancholic songs, but contrary to how the social norm is portrayed on the media, I really can only listen to morose melody when I'm infact fine or even happy.

One of my favorite melancholy tune of all time would have to be Honesty by Billy Joel. Although it's a song that diminish towards negativity (a trait I try to dismissed), there's no denying that this song.. is truly..well.. honest! And really it's mostly what we need sometimes.

It's so true that a lot of peole is so untrue. As the great Davy Linggar once said at 1:32 on this video, it's so much tougher to be your true self than being someone else...

So for all the phony out there..

If you search for tenderness
It isn't hard to find
You can have the love you need to live
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

Breaking Point.

2011-03-02T17:24:00.000-08:00

Never be rude.... unless you absolutely must because it is nice to be important but it is also important to be nice.

A black cat crossed my trail.

2011-01-23T09:00:00.000-08:00

There's something I haven't shared on my blog.. and that is .. I now have a pet cat too!

Her name is Kittie.

She was a street cat that I unceremoniously adopt on the account of her sweet and lovable personality. She gets along with Boboy, or rather, they don't really care about each other. which is a good thing.

She's so skinny when she first came to our house.

She's really fat now.

She does night watch and the unfortunate pest will be sadistically played upon. (Good Kittie. Good Kittie...)

Kittie is an example of rags to riches story that many street cats in Jakarta dream to be.

Though Kittie is now, of course.. dream to be a human.

This is a picture of her on our dining chair. Covering her eyes with her hand in an attempt to continue her sleep.

Old Brand New.

2011-01-18T21:05:00.000-08:00

I found this nice pic on frankie magazine's website. It's very calming.

God bless us all.

2011-01-14T11:28:00.000-08:00

There's a theory that either all human are good or all are bad. So which one is right?

Were we born good and environment and experience changes us?

Or were we born bad but become good because of education and environment and experience?

Turn on the Charm

2010-11-17T10:19:00.000-08:00

Being charming may or may not come naturally to one's disposition. However, since charm is one of the most useful tools to accommodate getting our way. It is highly recommended that you "turn your charm on", that is if you don't believe tjat you already have it.

Believe it or not, some of us are born with it. Some are born with ways of getting away with awkward silences.

For the rest of us who don't, fear not. Because there is charm in every one of us.
The thing we must realize is, we got it.

There is an art on turning on your charm in an elegant, swift way and of course the way to do it is to appear effortless in doing so.

1. Be sure of who you are. Hey, I never said it's going to be easy. Accepting ourself the way we are is a product of life-time soul searching experiences. So it's a good thing to get to know yourself by having time for yourself, know what you like and dislike, what you want, why you are here, have a purpose in life. If you're there already, good on you. If not, just keep going. More often than not, by doing, we will suddenly get where we want to.

2. Like who you are. A little differ than just knowing yourself, this is the next stage of acceptance. You have to like and love yourseld, whether you're normal or different from other people. Afterall, the only normal people are the ones that you don't know very well.

3. Don't care. Part of charm is a sense of aloofness of what other people think of you. This is the evolvement of acceptance. And when you don't care and get to be who you are infront of people, you're just an inch away on being charming.

4. Well the idea is, if you got 1,2 and 3 in your bag. You pretty much in a state of happines. And so just let your happiness shine through. Infect others, be your pleasant self and before you know it, you will embody charm in you.

Good luck!

Parents

2010-11-08T06:27:00.000-08:00

They bring the worst in us. Which is why we hate each other when we're around them.

They feed us with cosmic karma crap. The truth is. it's our karma that we get parents who pushes our button so well.

Menulis.

2010-04-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

Dari dulu gw suka menulis.

Gw inget waktu kecil, gw pikir gw mau jadi penulis.

Tapi setelah gw dewasa, seiring perkembangan, bahasa gw jadi amboradul, campur bahasa indonesia, betawi, jawa, inggris, pokoknya gak banget dhe.

Tapi ya itu, gw suka menulis dari dulu, Hanya saja sepertinya gw musti belajar dari awal lagi tentang bagaimana caranya menulis.

If God be with us then who is against us?

2010-03-29T22:14:00.000-07:00

There's a love that transcends all that we've known of ourselves.

Tt's got to be strong to touch my heart, through its shell.

And I'll wait for it to come, I'll wait for it to come

Little steps.

2010-03-29T02:20:00.000-07:00

And when they left, they know they've lost something.

Too proud, too big, too much, too heavy.

It was lost into thin air,

And inhaled into a heavy heart.

It's a peculiar state of mind, when it's not a familiar feeling.

Then into the night, mourning and rejoicing what what never lost.

Falling is frightening.

Fish

2010-03-26T01:12:00.001-07:00

Dream a little dream...

I need some sleep.

A House Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand.

2010-02-04T22:32:00.000-08:00

I've just been reflecting upon my predicament... and it's true, a house divided against itself cannot stand...

Anyway, I'd like to share this little writing I found...

Sesuatu yang...

Sesuatu yang baik, belum tentu benar.
Sesuatu yang bagus, belum tentu berharga.
Sesuatu yang berharga, belum tentu bagus.
Jika kita tidak bisa menjadi orang pandai, jadilah orang yang baik.

Jika kita berbuat baik, kebaikan pula yang akan kita terima kelak.
Iri hati yang ditujukan kepada seseorang akan melukai diri sendiri.

Yang penting bukan berapa lama kita hidup, tetapi bagaimana kita hidup.

Orang bijaksana selalu melengkapi kehidupannya dengan banyak persahabatan.

Jika kejahatan dibals kejahatan, maka itu adalah dendam.
Jika kebaikan dibalas kebaikan, itu adalah perkara biasa.
Jika kebaikan dibalas kejahatan, itu adalah lazim.
Tapi jika kejahatan dibalas kebaikan, itu adalah mulia dan terpuji.

Percintaan sejati layaknya kesehatan, nilainya baru kita sadari setelah kita kehilangannya.

Kita tidak adakan pernah memiliki cinta, jika kita mengharapkan seseorang tanpa kesalahan.

Karena semua manusia itu baik kalau kita bisa melihat kebaikannya dan menyenangkan kalau kita bisa melihat keunikannya, tapi semua manusia itu akan buruk dan membosankan kalau kita tidak bisa melihat keduanya.

Sesungguhnya hati adalah ladang, maka tanamlah ia dengan perkataan yang baik dan perbuatan yang baik.

Late night thoughts.

2009-11-10T07:46:00.000-08:00

Hope.

The thing that keep us alive.

Faith.

The thing that keep us going.

Focus.

The thing that keep us aligned with our dreams.

Together, they are the recipee for good living.

I have hope to see my Rio again, faith that we will be happy and focus to get my body trim. Sounds good? ;)

Lady and Tramps.

2009-10-14T22:45:00.000-07:00

I have never heard of Joanne Herring before I watched the movie Charlie Wilson's War. But I must say, she's a pretty impressive character.

One of my favorite scene was when she, Charlie, Charlie's secretaries and Gust was having a drink and then celebrating Charlie's case dismissal....In the scene, Charlie's secretaries let their hair out, dance around, acting like playboy bunnies... and as Joanne about to leave the premises she said "sluts" as she walked pass them.

I love this lady! :D

The real Joanne Herring is equally stunning as Julia Roberts' depiction... What a lady.. truly inspiring for me.

The remaining milk on the glass.

2009-10-13T10:16:00.000-07:00

Don't cry over a spilled milk. Just drink the remaining milk in the glass.

It was said and done..And for sure.. we had some spilled milk on the scene.

I would be lying if I say I don't think about it...

But I suppose it's not whether I think about it or not that matters... but whether I look at it in a positive light or not.

So I'll try my hardest to just drink and enjoy the remaining milk.

<3.

Lovely... lovely!!!

2009-10-11T21:01:00.000-07:00

Well.. the sunday randevouz with my girl friends from junior high was fun :D.. and we all agree on that.

It's been awhile since we met and we always lament on the fact that we don't see each other often enough... but this time.. we're really going to get together again next week.

These girls are a fun bunch... Perhaps one of the few bunches of friends out there that I can be really comfortable with.

We talked about boys (of course), the good times, the bad times, the stupid times, shared information on how to avoid tickets from the police, watched a chick flick for the second time for me. The first time around my boyfriend didn't think it was too good haha.. Perhaps chicks are the only gender who can truly appreciate the depth and shallowness of a chick flick :P and of course... we ate!!! :D

I got home eagerly so that I can continue Dr. Zhivago... only to find myself fell into the hole of melancholy and the infinite sadness that was the ending of Dr. Zhivago...

Luckily it was all fun and positive note on the wall of my facebook, from all my girlfriends saying how fun it was meeting each other with a c u next week ending!

Tubuhmu membiru, tragis.

2009-10-07T22:48:00.000-07:00

Pagi pagi dikagetin dengan msg dari nyokap... dia bilang tadi malem dia mimpi, cepetan suruh ke bank.

Udah siap siap.. baru mau berangkat, eh dapet telpon dari kantor... gironya ditolak. Bener bener dhe!

Ok.. dalam perjalanan ke kantor gw mikir, gw harus punya faith sama Tuhan nih.. bahwa semuanya akan baik baik saja.

Seasonal Affected Disorder.

2009-10-04T20:02:00.000-07:00

Meskipun di mobil dingin karena dingin buatan alias A.C., tapi hujan rintik rintik dengan jalanan yang relatif tidak terlalu macet, kalau saja kita bisa sejenak mengabaikan motor motor yang berseliweran dan berteduh seenak jidat dan Yeah Yeah Yeahs bernyanyi "Runaway"... rasanya kayak di luar negri juga hehehe.

Dan meskipun matahari bersembunyi dibalik awan... dengan gembira gw berkata dalam hati...wahh, gw gak depressed! Seasonal Affected Disorder tidak bekerja hari ini...

Bebii Bo bukan manusia.

2009-09-29T07:43:00.000-07:00

Ok, gw belom ngomongin kan... sebetulnya tanggal 14 September adalah hari yang sangat berat ...karena gw kehilangan Bebii Bo, anjing pug gw yang cantik jelita. (Foto diatas waktu Bebii punya anak).

Bebii Bo meninggal karena freak accident alias kecelakaan yang aneh banget dan sampai hari ini gw masih kangen berat sama dia.

Jadi seperti biasa, Bebii pupup di belakang rumah... tapi entah bagaimana, ada besi yang biasanya bersender di dinding, jatuh menimpa bebii dan kena pas di leher dia sampe dia gak bisa nafas dan akhirnya mati dengan mengenaskan.

Tai nya belepotan dan keliatan banget kalau dia berusaha untuk melepaskan diri karena sekujur tubuhnya tai semua... Pas kita temuin dia, dia baru saja mati karena tubuhnya masih lemas dan hangat.. duh gw langsung meraung raung dhe nangisnya... sedih sekali, gw pergi ke kantor agak siang hari itu dan tetep gak bisa berenti menangis dalam perjalanan ke kantor, di kantor dan dalam perjalanan pulang dari kantor. Tentunya gw gak bisa berlama lama di kantor karena gw gak bisa berenti nangis dan gak bisa konsen kerja juga.

Bebii sangat baik ... sore nya Rio datang untuk menghibur dan gw masih nangis nangis terus.

Boboy tadinya seperti tidak mengerti, tapi setelah itu dia tau dan sedih banget pas menyadari bahwa Bebii gak akan datang lagi dan juga gak ada lagi yang akan main main sama dia dan dengan rajin menjilati telinga die...

Kemaren gw bersihin telinga Boboy pake tissue Mitu, dan ternyata telinganya kotor!!! Baru pertama kalinya kotor! Dulu selalu dibersihin Bebii ,... oh sedihnya :_(

Bebii memang sangat mencintai anak anaknya, terutama Boboy..object of her affection banget dhe.

Gw sedih banget Bebii yang baik harus mati dengan cara yang tragis dan kesakitan seperti itu, juga sedih karena ingat sehari sebelumnya kita masih main main seharian dan juga nonton film eurotrip sampe ketiduran di sofa.

Dia tuh manis dan manja banget...

Pokoknya Bebii selalu dikenang dengan indah dhe...

Sehari setelah dia meninggal, nyokap gw masih nabur bunga di atas kuburannya.. huhuhu gw waktu itu masih nangis nangis juga...

Bye bye Bebii Bo... semoga kita ketemu lagi di surga ya.

The facts of embezzlement.

2009-09-28T20:29:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have found out that my finance direcetor has dome some fishy business behind my back, gallopping some amount of money (about approx AUD 8000) to his own pocket.

I was shocked and hurt when I found out about this.. hurt because I have trusted him and he choose to violate that trust.

But as I had more time to digest my founding, I grew calmer and grateful that I found out before he got away with more money.

I then jot down and took some evidence of his embezzlement...which he later wanted to retrieve but he didn't know that I'd taken them.

I was guessing that he would want to quit when he couldn't found the evidence..which means that someone in the company has taken them.. but so far..not yet..

He's known to make some threat to quit to my mother before...

Anyway, we'll see.

On a lighter note... here's a pic of Rio and I on Susan's unbirthday party. :D

Not if but did.

2009-09-12T21:56:00.000-07:00

A recent viewing of Tyra Banks' show on high school popularity makes me realised that.. I've been a popular girl in life.. I've done pretty well in terms of physical look and I got confidence equal to the queen bee, live in a mansion in the best area, drive a nice car, independent, has a legion of fans and... that I have hurt people's feeling because of my power!

I don't mean to... but I suppose I did.. because well, one person who does not want to be friends with me anymore... was obviously hurting.

The thing is, I still harbour some resentment towards her, especially on the way she conduct herself, talk to my boyfriend and things that she's said about me. Though watching the Tyra show made me realized that..doesn't matter because both sides have done some damage, things were said, things were done... and so, I do hope that there will be an opportunity for me to apologize to her one day and it will be a sincere apology.

Happiness it is.

2009-09-07T20:27:00.000-07:00

People wants to be happy. There's no denying in that. Even people who tend to torture and beat themselves up...are also the people who believes it will make them happy. Even a self-sacrifice act on earth is based on the believe that they will attain happiness in heaven.... and everybody has the right for the pursue of happiness.

Bags me over!

2009-08-23T08:13:00.000-07:00

I am a bag girl...

But I think my days of buying fakes are over... I just can't do it anymore.

I will only buy from their original stores...

Everybody wants to be a photographer. Everybody but me.

2009-08-17T20:19:00.000-07:00

With the technology enabling photography to be somewhat more affordable for the less talented and their pocket, suddenly there's an uprising photographers wannabe everywhere.

They claim they have a long time passion with photography or they always have the love for photography but never have the means to realize it until now (read: until flicker was invented).

Honestly, I've only noticed this since about three years ago. My interest to admire beautiful things and a photographer boyfriend later has made me realized this phenomenon: people, young or old, man and women, from all walks of life (business background, IT background, media background, design background, etc) wants to be a photographer!

There are of course many kind of photography, fashion, still- life, wedding, commercial, fine art, interior, architectural, there's even one kind designated to taking pictures of cruise passengers. Some specify their interest whereas others are just all over the place and taking digital pictures as if they won't see another living day light. They're all photographers. Or at least they think they are.

Now, I'm not a critic by profession, but I am one of the public eyes and public always have opinion... so let's just say I am one of the many public opinions out there. And because those "photographers" have the liberty (and guts) to put those images on their flickers, websites, blogs, twitter, etc for the world to see, it's only logical to think that they are ready for their work to be viewed by the public..and get their opinion.

Some are good.

Some are bad .

A few are really good.

A lot think they're good but really they're crap.

Talent only take you so far, the rest is passion and hard work. But the worst kind of photographers are the one with bad taste. There is just no salvation for people with bad taste. Forever they will, live in the land of ugliness oblivion.

Simply a longer blog than twitter.

2009-08-11T22:51:00.000-07:00

I'm really excited and part anxious about this Singapore trip! Because I think this is the first that I'm traveling on business alone!

Of course I'm planning to incorporate some pleasures in it! Hihi!

I want to go to bookstores, do some shopping, buy some tong tju pia a.k.a. moon cake, browse all the city... and still get the deals done!

Meanwhile... I was disturbed about the fact that an ex friend is still holding grudge against me.... but ahh what can I do? And I suppose bunny's right, it's one person out of hundreds that I know. Let by gone be by gone...

The Pursuit of Social Welfare.

2009-06-21T10:39:00.000-07:00

Were we born with it or is it something we have to learn?

They said all human are social being, meaning they can't live by themselves... then how come some of us better off alone? And why am I struggling in my pursuit of social welfare?

My Time Will Come

2009-05-17T04:38:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I last wrote.

Well, I'm in Perth now.

Missing my corazon very much...

Been thinking of the changes of the time to come.

On the up side, I've won $46 on saturday lotto... a few dollars short from my million, but I suppose my time will come.

Home!

2009-05-07T22:37:00.000-07:00

I cannot comprehend how people want to live in this city.

I'm burned out after less than 1 week. I want to go home!

Bisnis dan Personal.

2009-04-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

Mengapa harus berkompromi/ meminta (baca: despo) dengan orang yang sudah menolak kita?

Do this thing, this type of thing
Put a little money in this type of thing
I got nothing to worry about
I got nothing to worry about

Beggar tune
Why always so negative?
If you have problems,
Why don't you go solve them?
Beat me up
At least you won't be out of touch
If you're such a poet,
Use your tongue and show it

Do this thing, this type of thing
Put a little money in this type of thing
I got nothing to worry about
I got nothing to worry about

Trouble seems,
Trouble seems to follow you
It's always around you
Like some thing you subscribe to
Be prepared
There must be something in you
Turning boys to men
And then back again

Do this thing, this type of thing
Put a little money in this type of thing
I got nothing to worry about
I got nothing to worry about

My Birthday Bash.

2009-04-28T21:22:00.000-07:00

On my 21st birthday bash, I asked a lot of my friends to come. One of them was Andrew... yet when I called him up, he didn't say yes straight away like he usually did. It was a brief paused followed by a question..."can I bring Nathalie along?" I was kinda surprised by his question, because I didn't know they started going out.

I said "yeah of course!". I didn't know Nathalie very well then, but Andrew is a dear friend and so I was happy for her to join.

That was an a ha moment for me.. a realisation that when someone's in a relationship, they don't come alone anymore. They come in pair, whether we like it or not.

This is what I want, this is what I get.

2009-04-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

After almost four years, I've gotten used to being by myself in Jakarta. Of course in Jakarta, being by yourself never really meant you're alone.. I've got my house helpers that live in the house and also two lovely pugs who are crazy about me.

At first it was a lonely experience, but through it all, there were more days a merry girl make.

As I reflected upon the year that has been (It's my birthday tomorrow), this time last year, i was going through a tumultuous time. But despite all the hard time that I went through, I decided to make the second half of 2008 a good one and I must say, I succeeded.

2009 must have been my best year yet. A great year filled with joy. Problems never cease to exist but with the help of my lovely Rio, my family and friends and God, I really can't ask for anything to go any better. I truly am a lucky girl.

I'm getting older!!! Isn't that exciting? I look forward to wonderful times ahead.

Get Your Leather On!

2009-03-22T09:09:00.000-07:00

Chanting: I will get through this. There will be a way. We will get to where we want to go. We will be super good.

Mood: Sleepy and melancholy and yet, optimistic.

Listening to Zero by Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Your zero
What's your name?
No one's gonna ask you
Better find out where they want you to go

Try and hit the spot
Get to know it in the dark
Get to know it whether you're
Crying, crying, crying, oh oh
Can you climb, climb, climb higher

What Other People Think

2009-03-17T03:53:00.000-07:00

Wopt may or may not be relevant to us, but I'm guessing that all of us been in that predicament where wopt gots the best of us. What I mean is that, at one point or another, we've all cared or worried about wopt of us.

Sometimes, wopt can be a good input to us. Other times it could just be a subjected truth. Indeed wopt can be very damaging to our self esteem.

However, as I recently found out, one of the most liberating moment in life was was when you found out that the one you love doesn't care about wopt of you. That's kinda kewl.

Thank You.

2009-03-13T09:35:00.000-07:00

Thank you to all the people that have helped my band.
Esp to Vanya, Amel and my beloved Rio.
The world is a better place because of you.

Nice Girls.

2009-03-12T00:52:00.001-07:00

I suppose a not so nice girl can still move an entry to her private blog.

Let me out.

2009-03-11T07:21:00.000-07:00

Life as it has been, is full of up and down.

For the time being, my life has been quite a blissful experience. A loving family and boyfriend, a company that can run by itself, a band that's (though slowly) going into the right direction, the blemishes on my face is clearing up haha.

But of course, none of these things are enough to satiate me.

Sometimes I think I need more of God,
Other times, I am just not happy with myself.

Though, the bottom line is quite clear, this is ...

That time of the month

-_-'

How Low Will You Go?

2009-02-24T00:30:00.000-08:00

Sometimes,

There's a little voice in me that cries out: I just can't do this anymore.

The Little Big Things.

2009-02-23T18:31:00.000-08:00

Ujung ujungnya Duit.

2009-02-16T02:49:00.000-08:00

Gw mikir2, mungkin sifat emosional gw berlandaskan jenis kelamin gw..alias karena gw ce.

Menjadi orang yang emosioanal, ternyata lebih banyak gak untungnya.

Tapi karena ini adalah dasarnya gw, maka gw pikir gw musti menyiasati, bagaimana caranya untuk mengalahkan monster yang ada dalam diri gw.

Dalam perdagangan misalnya, sifat emosional gw ini membuat gw jadi mikirin hal hal yang kecil, tanpa melihat hal hal UUD yang lebih penting.

Hari ini gw melihat kebodohan gw.

Gw akan rubah.

Mulai dari memperhatikan UUD dan mengambil kontrol dan lebih berkonsentrasi terhadap pekerjaan.

Gw juga harus belajar mengatur diri sendiri nih. Karena pada dasarnya gw orangnya bisa rapih tapi cendrung berantakan, maka gw harus buat sistem untuk mengatur diri gw yah...

Ya akan gw pikirkan lah.

The Law of Attraction.

2009-01-15T08:15:00.000-08:00

Some things lost
Some things gained.
I wonder how things suppose to add up.
Were we assigned to a certain amount of abundance in life? Is it all been measured so that we won't have everything?
I think I better read that Losier book again.

Once you are over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.

2009-01-13T19:45:00.000-08:00

I begin 2009 with a great conviction that it will be a great year. This is a lot for a girl like me, but I figure I'm ready.

So first half of 2008 wasn't so good, but I succeeded in turning things around for the better.

I'm of course not my own self. However, it was my action and responsibility that lead me to where I am today, physically happy and mentally healthy.

I feel like I got through that big pinnacle of my life and it's now time to climb another.

Funny.

2008-12-05T01:26:00.000-08:00

At first, it's difficult to comprehend how one can be annoyed and be in love with one person at the same time.

I guess it's true, it's only a myth that we have to be perfect to be loved.

So, I'm narrowminded huh..but you still like me right? :P.

Pet Soc.

2008-11-18T20:39:00.000-08:00

Kadang otak kita jalan begitu cepat sampe tiba tiba jeder.. jatoh dhe gw ke dalam lubank.
Huhuhu T_T.

Anyway kita lupakan kebodohan itu sejenak. Akhir2 ini gw lagi tergila gila main Pet Soc. Thanks to seorang pemain yang ternyata tidak segila saya hiahihaia :P.

Gw suka maen pet society karena ini merefleksikan society kita juga. Ada yg kaya dan ada yang miskin dan ada yang rajin ada yang malas. Nah PLay fish itu government nya. Nah dasar orang Indo, kita harus pintar pintar ngakalin celah2 mana yang bisa dipakai untuk memperkaya diri kita..MWAHAHAHHA.

Okay maybe real life a little more complicated than that, but it's the basic principle.

Soalnya pertama tama gw main, duh rasanya miskin banget pas liat ke toko tokonya, yang mampu gw beli cuman sayur sayuran aja.

Anyway, gw berbagi secrets of the trade sama Yoke dan dia bales beginih:

GILA

gw baca email loe kayak baca some kinda shawshank redemption story

very smart yet its crazy, to spend that much time and energy playing games...especially since we're not a game freak.

Hahah. Enough said.

The Language of Love

2008-11-09T19:54:00.000-08:00

As I've explored the wilds of singledom in Jakarta...I was glad to come across these useful neologism coined by author Cindy Chupack while reading Reader's Digest.

Man-me-downs: Men who are passed on from one woman to another after a failed attempt at romance.

Personally, I believe we should not let a good man go to waste, pass them on to your friends. However, a lot of the times, friends being the Cupidity (see below for definition) that they are, often pass the bad ones too. I would advise single girls to accept man-me-downs with caution.

Cupidity: The faulty logic that leads a well-meaning but clueless third party to believe that random singles are perfect for each other.

DNRR (Do Not Resuscitate Romance): A directive that you are not, under any circumstance, allowed to revive a past relationship.

Every girls need someone to give them DNRR at some point or another in their lives. On such occasions , a virtual slap on msn conversation would sometimes come in handy.

Love is a game. I play the fool.

2008-11-07T10:46:00.000-08:00

I guess I like reading your blog because of the idea that it's like picking up your inner thoughts...

The 8 Phases of Dating.

2008-11-03T23:19:00.000-08:00

There comes a point in your life when you realize:

2008-11-03T22:19:00.000-08:00

who matters,
who never did,
who won't anymore...
and who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
No risk, No gain...

The Right Orientation.

2008-11-03T00:42:00.000-08:00

On pursuing a new venture, in order to succeed, one has to adapt the right orientation, which comes after thorough understanding of what one wants from that venture.

Money?
Popularity?
Security?
Happiness?
A certain image?

I do believe that if we choose the wrong goal, then everything will naturally crumbles apart. Vice versa, when we enter a venture with the right set of mind, the right reasons and high morale, everything will shape itself nicely and reach some sort of self-sustaining utopia in our head.

Now, I am motivated to start a new venture with all the right reasons and sincere intentions... So how come I haven't put a seal on the deal? Well, honestly..I wanna test myself if I'm in the right set of mind or not.

How to be Sales Extraordinaire?

2008-10-31T20:58:00.000-07:00

Meeting all sorts of people at the construction trade fair, observing how they interact with us and other customers has shone new lights on the diversity of marketing people out there.

For some reason, in the first 5 seconds you will know whether you're dealing with first class salesmanship or down right poor approach.

Sadly, I'm still sitting towards the later, not that I think I'm bad, but I'm just not in the first class tier yet.

The first class tier makes you feel comfortable and appreciated. They give you a sense of familiarity with themselves, like you can relate to them and as a result, you just wanna deal with them.

Believe me when I say it's not just about being nice and friendly. It's so much more than that. These people just seem to posses some magic and charm in their disposition. They talk with eloquence and enthusiasm minus the desperation vibe. You know that they're successful. And they're in control.

Ahh.. I hope I'll be like them one day... Sales Extraordinaire.

Mendoakan Teman.

2008-10-22T01:55:00.000-07:00

Tuhan yang baik,

Terimakasih atas segala hal hal yang baik dan tidak baik yang terjadi di dunia.
Karena semuanya itu ada agar kita bisa berusaha dan bisa membedakan mana yang baik dan yang tidak baik.

Aku ingin berdoa untuk teman temanku.
Ada yang lagi susah hatinya...
Ada yang lagi khawatir...
Ada yang lagi merasa sendirian dan kesepian...
Ada yang mencari kerja, katanya besok mau interview.

Tuhan, aku bisa saja minta supaya kau memberikan mereka rahmat ketenangan, kepastian, kehangatan, kesuksesan...

Tapi aku hanya minta agar apapun hasil dari pergulatan mereka masing - masing, kuatkanlah hati mereka, agar tumbuh dan berkembang dalam iman.

Amin.

Tunggu aku di Jakarta-mu!

2008-10-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

Lucu yah si Bebii..Ini foto sebelom dia gw kawinin (sebentar, belom selesai ngomong nih) dengan seekor pejantan pug juara... on the way ke rumah co nya untuk dikawinin nih!

So that's my virgin and innocent bitch right there.

Anyway bentar lagi kan pulang nih.

Ada enaknya sih di Perth, tapi se enak enaknya...gak cukup untuk buat gw tetep tinggal disini.

Yah setidaknya tidak pada saat ini {=^;^=}.

For the thrill of it, thrill of it...

2008-10-20T07:39:00.000-07:00

Where do we go... ah ah?

2008-10-20T07:03:00.000-07:00

You wait up for me, I don't wake up for you.
Would you like the company or are you sick of me?
When your love lets you go you only want love more,
Even when loves not what you were looking for.
Speak slow, tell me love where do we go... ah ah?
Where do we go...ah ah, where do we go?
Break down and plead your case,
I don't know what to say.
I leave my heart, all this pain and now I'm at it all again.
On these streets that I leave for weeks on end, who's to blame?
When you want love doesn't matter what you're looking for.
Speak slow, tell me love where do we go... ah ah?
Where do we go... ah ah, where do we go?
So far away and I just can't see you.
I'm so far along and I just don't need you.
I am so ah-alone, so ah-alone.
When your love lets you go you only want love more.
Even when loves not what you were looking for.

God is a complex character.

2008-10-19T09:58:00.000-07:00

Sebetulnya ajaran agama itu gak ada yang salah, tapi kita sebagai manusia sering salah nangkep, karena kita berusaha memberi penalaran kepada Tuhan yang sering berbuat diluar akal dan pengertian kita.

Gw sendiri berusaha untuk menyusun puzzle puzzle kehidupan gw... Kenapa ini terjadi, kenapa jadi nya begini, kenapa dulu gw bertindak begitu... kita mau figure out Tuhan.

But.. guess what..

Serious Food.

2008-10-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

Hiahaiha. Just some patch up work done by Chris.. but it's really funny ya.

Actually going around restaurants in Perth, I realise how I really want to be serious about food... as in making money out of it.

This is the one souvenir that he gave me, that gonna do me some good.

Pla la la la net.

2008-10-05T07:57:00.000-07:00

The thing is, I don't know if everything means anything... or do we just say things to conceal what we really want.

And now, here I am pondering what was the meaning of everything and dread the possibility of misinterpretation of everything...oh man... I'm talking about conspiracy theory that's been going on in my head and scaling points to decide if I was dealing with another duplicitous human being.

I just don't want to have a planet of regrets resting on my shoulders... you know?

Strangers in the night.

2008-10-03T10:23:00.000-07:00

I used to be so comfortable among strangers. I don't mind the fact that I don't know which walks of live they come from and if they are perverts or if they're pathological optimists or whatever... but I realised now that the potential of a stranger hurting me is as equal as the chance of any other people whom I know.

My point is, we will never know who will screw us.

Good to know.

Then why did I want him?

2008-10-02T05:22:00.000-07:00

I guess the reason anyone wants to be in a relationship is because they desire the other person...

I don't really know what my desire is nowadays. Actually maybe I've been like this all of my life and that could be the reason why I never been in a relationship before. I think I'm in trouble.

In highschool I thought I would outgrow this thinking.

At uni, I thought I'm just too mature for ppl my age and maybe someone will come along and rescue me from my doubts and anxiety.

And now..I'm pretty much clueless. As clueless as Nicole Kidman and the kids in The Others when they found out that they're dead but how come they're not in heaven as taught in bible? Or maybe it's just a plain case of old habbits die hard.

There are roads left in both of our shoes.

2008-09-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here

I cannot guess what we'll discover
We turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

This is not depression.

2008-09-13T08:06:00.000-07:00

There is a certain morose feeling that comes to me every time I step my foot on Perth. But it's fun seeing and staying in the same room with my sister again. Together, we make a team to do some serious duck shit cleaning. Oh man.

So many things to do too. v_v. I think this is called stress.

Dunia Dalam Berita.

2008-09-08T23:44:00.000-07:00

Kawan kawan... ada sebuah insiden yang agak memalukan nih.

Seperti yang sudah diketahui, kan kita mem-video-kan acara e-com ituh..

Nah salah satu kamera man kita..yang berinisial R, meskipun melakukan kerja dengan baik, namun mengambil shoot dari jarak yang dekat..dan mengakibatkan beberapa bagian tubuh saya yang tidak seharusnya ter-expose..."kelihatan"

Maka dari itu, dengan menyesal, saya mohon agar video tersebut tidak di tonton. Yah ini adalah kesalahan saya salah milih wardrobe.

My apologies -_-.

Jadi, karena video nya tidak ada, maka acara malam ini harus ditunda dulu dhe.

Why don't you be more like Camelia?

2008-09-06T05:30:00.000-07:00

It's easy to fall in love with someone when they're at their best. Best attire, best behaviour..but why am I incapable of loving someone at their worst?

Why don't you have a messy room that reflects your mind?
Why don't you stay in bed as long as you can in the morning just to avoid life?
Why don't you choose your words carefully to hurt others and get them away from you?
Why don't you be so in love with your solitude and despair?

Instant Gratification

2008-09-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

One of the "perks" of technology advancement is the instant gratification of everything, you can get money instantly from ATM, flaz card, credit card, instant reward, instant presents, etc.

Unfortunately this so called perks are very bad for the development of our mind. The instant gratification promised everywhere tricked our brain into thinking that we can also get instant fame, instant wealth, instant weight lost, well..you get the idea.

The idea of instant gratification also overlooked the ethical presence in how to get those things and some are a sure way to doomsville..because in some areas, instant gratification is just not foreseeable.

Commercials and advertisement use the instant gratification formula as long as they exist.

Give this to ur children and they will receive instant gratification: health, warmth, happiness, recognition from friends.
Drink this and you will get popularity and fun time.
Use this and instantly be irresistable to your opposite sex.

The associate products with instant gratification.

Whether we realize it or not, a lot of our actions are affected by this falacy. I wanted instant love too... but to think of it, a life long cultivated love is a lot better.

In another realm.

2008-08-31T21:58:00.000-07:00

"Welcome to the mental and spiritual realm... it doesn't work with logic."
-Miller Lo-
Any attempts of my brain trying to think logically has end up with the conclusion that I am either stupid or the logic itself is insufficient to get me any further.
Well logic, you have failed. I am putting things aside and will be going away for a little while.

God, please spare me more rejection.

2008-08-28T21:15:00.000-07:00

Citing artistic differences
The band broke up in may
And in june reformed without me
And they got a different name
I nuked another grandmas apple pie
And hung my head in shame

In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I say to my reflection
God please spare me more rejection
cause my peers they criticize me
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels

The Highlight of My Day.

2008-08-26T23:25:00.000-07:00

I've been having nice dreams lately, even when the subject is not so nice... but I woke up feeling good.

Dreams, the highlight of my day.

I suppose they means good things are coming my way.

Me and my little problem.

2008-08-26T08:28:00.000-07:00

Girls...There's just this thing in our head where we would assume the worst when we're in solitude.

As I was feeling better yesterday afternoon, I thought I was ready to meet him again. Then I met this guy who resembles him and my heart skipped a beat and I swear hahah. Guess am not as ready as I thought I was.

God help me. v_v *sigh.

I gotta change my life.

Tidak sakit, tidak sehat, tidak mati, tidak hidup. I've been bitten by a snake.

2008-08-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

"When you got bit by a snake, you're suppose to suck the poison out, that's what I gotta do, suck all the poison out of my life." - Cady, Mean Girls.

That's right Camelia....suck it all out.

The Unlikely Friend

2008-08-23T07:33:00.000-07:00

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive,"

Anaïs Nin

After a day or two perplexing upon my last entry... I thought that maybe some world are meant to be silencend.

Remember what peace there may in silence.

2008-08-21T08:34:00.000-07:00

".As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..."

-Desiderata-

I have had claim that I'm a believer of things said in Desiderata and that I live by it. But lately I realised how I am not on good terms with some people.

What do I do?

At the moment, nothing towards reconciliation, rather I just left things hanging on that sour note. Why? Comfort, fear of rejection, general anxiety and all kinds of sin.

I'm beginning to think I'm the Sinnerman afterall and so where am I gonna run to?

I need to change this situation to be at peace with myself. Can't hide under the rock forever. However, I need to do things out of genuine and sincere intention, and at the moment, I'm still in the process of getting there, I'll take it slowly, starting from the person most dear to my heart.

No need to say goodbye.

2008-08-19T07:53:00.000-07:00

What a great start to the week! Meeting with my favourite customer! (I wish you can hear my tone of sarcasm).

Anyway, I don't know what David will say. I said to him. Well..they're difficult people to deal with David..and he said YEAH I KNOW THAT!
HAHAHA.

Oh. will just see.

Meanwhile, went to Gunung Garuda today and my dad was so amazed while reading their company profile. And he said! Liat mereka baru mulai dari taon 86! Kita ketinggalan jauh sama mereka!

Gw jadi mikir huhh... iya juga yah.. I have to start building my empire..coz got all the materials ..just need to pick my motivation from the floor.

Meanwhile, tomorrow is Wednesday!!!

Miller is coming!!! Should be good. I always regard Millie as a male version of myself..imagine that. Two Camelias... haha. Don't worry, we don't intend to spread any Camelianism in Jakarta.

I found a song by Regina Spektor that mirror how I want to feel... this is my at the moment song theme.

OH, I need to wash my hair.

It's better that we don't talk anymore.

2008-08-17T06:14:00.000-07:00

This too shall pass away.

2008-08-17T05:43:00.000-07:00

Kalau emang gak ada hubungannya ngapain nama tu orang disinggung singgung?

Yah kalo udah disinggung then I guess he's a part of it.

Anyway, gw sedih dan kecewa karena udah di misunderstood dan dipermalukan didepan teman teman gw oleh orang yang gw kira temen yang sekarang gak bisa gw sebut sebagai teman dalam arti sebenarnya karena teman gak seharusnya gituin teman. I guess she just doesn't care about me and I'm very sorry to hear that she felt that way.

Gw juga bingung sih koq 4 taon kenal sama 1 orang bisa dihapus dengan 4 bulan kenal 1 orang. Tapi yah, gw terima aja dengan lapang dada. Menurut gw dia masih se kia dan biarkanlah dia belajar sendiri. Dan gw belajar sendiri. Yah at least now I know who my real friends are.

Tadi pas lagi jalan jalan, gw jadi kepikiran kenapa banyak hal hal yang gak ngenakin terjadi selama beberapa bulan terakhir, padahal beberapa bulan sebelumnya gw bahagia banget... jadi inget puisi yg pernah dikasih Mr. Stuart ke gw...

This, Too, Shall Pass Away

by: Lanta Wilson Smith,

When some great sorrow, like a mighty river,

Flows through your life with peace-destroying power

And dearest things are swept from sight forever,

Say to your heart each trying hour:

"This, too, shall pass away."

When ceaseless toil has hushed your song of gladness,

And you have grown almost too tired to pray,

Let this truth banish from your heat its sadness,

And ease the burdens of each tring day:

"This, too, shall pass away."

When fortune smiles, and, full of mirth and pleasure,

The days are flitting by without a care,

Lest you should rest with only earthly treasure,

Let these few words their fullest import bear:

"This, too, shall pass away."

When earnest labor brings you fame and glory,

And all earth's noblest ones upon you smile,

Remember that life's longest, grandest story

Fills but a moment in earth's little while:

"This, too, shall pass away."

Get Them Out!!!

2008-08-16T11:25:00.000-07:00

I wanna be good at music. To thrive for achievements and get all these emotion out of me!

If you want the honey, don't kick the beehive!

2008-08-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

"I don't understand how guys can do so many mean things and then not care"

- Phoebe, Friends-

Kata nyokap gw, kita harus bertangan besi dalam memimpin perusahaan. Yah kadang orang orang bikin kesel aja sih. Tapi yah gw gak mau let it get into me lah. Heran, koq sales gw kadang belain langganan lebih daripada ke perusahaan, padahal harusnya kan mereka tau bahwa kita ada di pihak mereka. Lagipula buat itu sales gak ada untungnya belain langganan yang bayarnya terlambat melulu. Ini kan malah bikin gw jadi curiga sama dia! Kadang kadangggg orang ituhh, kagak tau dia makan dari manah!

Wasn't Cute Enough.

2008-08-13T20:37:00.000-07:00

In the wake of the euphoria surrounding the olympics, I recently learnt a story of fake olympic ceremony. It's pretty poignant really. The pretty girl was chosen to perform. The ugly girl was left crying at home. I mean sure her parents must be proud that it was her voice that was choosen to "perform" but... how would a little girl feel when deemed "wasn't cute enough to perform infront of billions of people"...

Stupid adults.

If you don't, someone else will.

2008-08-12T07:09:00.000-07:00

I blame pms for the past few days melancholy elegies for the guy. Hahah.

Anyway... I'm feeling a lot better.

I've been listening to Robin Thicke's song Wanna Love You..I wanna be that girl in the song ...

The Fine Social Scene.

2008-08-10T01:13:00.000-07:00

Ada sebuah stigma yang melekat dibelakang kepala setiap ce indo yang masih single setelah umur 25 tahun keatas.

Orang orang dengan cepat berpikir mungkin dia terlalu mementingkan karir atau terlalu pemilih atau memang tidak laku karena sifatnya jelek atau fisik kurang menunjang atau apa lah yang lain, intinya... seperti anak anak takut genderuwo, ce ce indo takut stigma perawan tua.

Sebagai ce yg masih single di umur 27 ini... gw sendiri dihadapkan dengan stigma ini. Bisa aja gw pura pura tegong, gak tau menau atau bisa juga gw memilih untuk memendam dalam hati sampe budreg atau coba keras sekali supaya cepet2 dapet pasangan.

Yah sebelum2 ini gw memang gak pernah mikirin mengenai hal ini, gw pikir gw sudah di track yang bener untuk menjadi lebih baik dan gak usah pikirin terlalu keras mengenai hal beginian.

Tapi kemaren ini, ada email dari Steph yang bikin gw sadar bahwa gw belum baik...

Ok ok, ini dimasuki excerpt dari email nya ya.

Tapi Mel, sebelum g lupa, kalo misalnya elu mau cerita2/curhat2 apa aja yang ada dihati lu, u can always talk to me...ato kalo ngga cari orang untuk curhat kalo misalnya mau face to face...=P

Bukannya apa, soalnya baru2 ini, ada satu temen g, dia putus (hm..udah setaonan kejadiannya and kasusnya lumayan "parah"..ie udah mau married tapi ngga jadi, karena co-nya ketemu ce lain...) and awalnya emang dia sedih, tapi udah gt dia move on and she is alrite ie. she can accept the fact that they are finished.

Ini cerita dia. Tapi, ternyata, deep down, dia masi mikirin (mungkin bukan mikirin co itu secara spesifik), cuman dia ngerasa dia "gagal" gt...and sayangnya, dia ngga ceritain semua perasaan dia, keluh kesah dia, ketakutan2 dia, and so on ke orang2 sekitarnya, baik itu temen2nya maupun keluarganya...alhasil, sekarang dia sort of "mental breakdown" gt. jadi delusional gt...and kemaren baru aja dibawa ke psikiater gt...kasian jg. padahal orangnya baik banget...and always try to please other people. Cuman mungkin selama ini dia ngga punya temen yang deket jadinya dia juga susah untuk curhat...itu yang kita simpulkan gt...

Setelah gw baca itu..duh gw hampir nangis dhe.. karena gw mikir bisa bisa gw jadi kayak ce ituh.. karena memang gw move on, gw bisa terima kenyataan bahwa Eric sudah membulatkan keputusan untuk pilih orang lain. Terus memang dateng serentetan harapan dengan co2 lain. Kadang gw enjoy pergi sama mereka, ada juga yang nggak dan ada juga yang turn sour altogether alias dah ah gw males banget hahah.

Tapi setelah gw baca email itu... gw menyadari kemiripan antara gw dan tu ce... dan yah memang selama ini kalau kenalan dengan orang baru atau pergi nge-date sama orang... yah gw dibayang bayangi kegagalan gw ituh. Alhasil, dari sekian co co ituh... gak satupun yang jadi apa apa.

Si Marto juga bilang kalau gw keliatan hepi, tapi keliatan gak bener bener hepi kayak dulu.

Kalau gw memang bener bener baik, gw rasa gw bisa tepiskan omongan Marto ituh, tapi kenyataannya...gw memang gak merasa baik...

Gw pikir memang gw lebih baik sendiri dulu. Sampe kapan? Gw gak tau. Gw sungguh gak tau. Yah stigmanya akan tetap ada, tapi gw rasa mungkin saja sebuah stigma hidup berdampingan dengan sebuah harapan.

"How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants,
rather than to create it herself."

Customer bego atau gw yang bego?

2008-08-09T00:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry dah, gw gak pengen ngejelekin orang, cuman kadang customer tuh emang gak mikir, kalo mau nipu yah pinteran dikit kek. Bego banget kalo zinc kena air aja bikin dross bertambah. Duh... koq gak pikir bakal ditertawakan seluruh dunia ya?

*BIG SIGH.

Ngeri juga nih berita mengenai Yeni Kencana Mas.. piutang 1 M belom dibayar lagih..duh mo nangis gw.

You Don't Know Me At All.

2008-08-07T07:16:00.000-07:00

Just to avoid any falacies... I'm gonna explain who this entry about.

I was listening to the new Ben Fold's single and thought ..oh I should have written this song!

For those who doesn't know, there used to be a guy named Eric, who filled my days with all kinds of happy feelings... felt like different happy songs ringing in my ears at the time.

In short, I fell fast for the guy. Too bad things didn't work out between us. Although, I did say to him that there's still so much that he doesn't know about me... Not that I concealed anything from him, I never could lie to him!...but I was just trying to say that... I'm so much more than he thought I am. Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter anymore.

Again,... I'm just breaking it all down like this to avoid any falacies among anyone who knows me. There's no contact between me and the guy anymore and I wouldn't intend to write this in order for him to read it. I wish him all the best though. I accept that this is the story of my life. I hope we will get better, if not already.

But yeah... here's just a song to cheer me up, he doesn't know me at all.

You Don't Know Me
Original Artist: Ben Folds

(You don't know me)

I wanna ask you;
Do you ever sit and wonder
It's so strange that we could be together
for so long and never know, never care
what goes on in the other one's head?
Things I thought but I never said
You said things that I never said
So I'll say something that I should have said long ago

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)

You could have just propped me up at the table like a mannequin
or a cardboard standup
and given me any face that you wanted me to be seen
we're damned by the existential moment
when we saw the couple in a coma
and it was weakened with the cliché
but we carried on anyway

So, sure, I could just close my eyes
Yeah, sure, trace and memorize
But can you go back once you know?

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all

If I'm the person who you say i am
Clueless chump you seem to think i am
So he's been led astray like an errant dog
who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash than I thought
would you want me back?
Maybe it's because...
You don't know me at all

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all

So what I'm trying to say is
What I'm trying to tell you is
Not gonna come out like I wanna say it
'Cause i know you'll only change it (change it, change it)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all

Takes it like a woman.

2008-08-05T22:13:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite scenes from the remake of Thomas Crown Affair starring Rene Russo and Mr. Brosnan is the ending when Rene sob inconsolably. Probably one of the most realistic portrayal of how a broken hearted girl cries too haha.

I love her character cause she's strong and sexy on the outside but is this vulnerable and fragile person inside... Ya..to a certain extend...reminds me of myself.

I must be clear.
I believe it's time for us to quit.
When we meet again and introduced as friends.
Please don't let on that you knew me when I was hungry and it was your world.

I take, just like a woman, yes I do.
And I make love just like a woman.
And I ache just like a woman.
But I break just like a little girl.

The previledge life.

2008-08-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

We had a really nice wagyu dinner tonight, I'm all beef out and we still have plenty of leftovers Haha. I always like having friends for dinner. Esp Bestly and her family. She got me feeling psyched about the upcoming once in a lifetime single gal Japan trip!!! I know it's still next year but Ohhh..it's just gonna be great :D Esp now that Mona had mentioned about us turning 28 on the 28th!! Ohh..I'm so happy I'm gonna be 28 years young! Honestly, people my age are saying how old 28 is..but ohh... even now, I'm happy being 27. I'm happy being any age actually..but being older is a previledge... it truly is.

Omg... I'm going to start my Spring travelling again!!! I wasn't particularly enthusiastic about going to Perth again... but after all that happen in the past 6 months... met some people who care, who doesn't care, who made me happy and made me sad and angry.. had my heart broken, gathered my pieces, someone else tried to shatter it, a lot of interesting hiccups..definetely... a year full of blessings...cause yes... I had my misfortunes..but through it all, the support of friends and family has shone light on me and I am able to accept that this is my life that I have to lead and I am at peace with that.

So you see, despite all my endeavours to get better, I figure I'm still in the process of mending my heart and my soul..and so this will be a break where I can use to do just that... casting away the pearls.

Oh my maladies.

2008-08-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

Oh Sinnerman, where you gonna run to?
Sinnerman, where you gonna run to?
-Nina Simmone-

Well, Nina certainly got it right. We all need help..we ought to be praying and yeah... we ran everywhere to hide ourselves or and in the end..all we can do is run to the Lord.

Why So Serious?

2008-07-30T23:21:00.000-07:00

Sure, people can relate to normal people better than to superhero. But it all goes back to the way producers think (read: how to make as much money as possible). They make characters, stereotype and all because they're so much easier to sell and merchandized than normal people.

Regardless, I sure think Bruce Wayne, Joker, Commissionare Gordon, Harvey Dent are fictional characters whom embodies all kinds of emotion in us...The goodness and evil in all of us, the so-called normal people.

And ohhh.. I love the Joker!!! There's definetely a little joker in me haha. I love how he doesn't take himself too seriously, and that he believes it's okay if he fail cause he's a joker afterall. And it is all just for the love of the game. All in the name of game! Hahah. And buoy he's a good player! And we all love a good player.

Overall it is a great, cool, exciting, excellent movie to watch even if the date is not the best and most of all very palatable to everyone, man and women, young and old. Even better than transformer.

Chronically Camelia.

2008-07-28T03:35:00.000-07:00

After hearing Pork and Beans for the past 5 days with low quality mp3, I had had it... and so I got the CD! I love Weezer, also because they always use century gothic, my favourite font haha. I know, that's not a valid reason to like a band's music..who cares. Hahah.

Anyway... I was looking at the new Senayan City campaigne where they got a line up of beautiful Indonesian women as the face of SenCi. They have tag lines such as..Surprising Susan, Marvellous Mariana, Fascinating Fahrani, Sophisticated Sophia..and I forgot what Marshanda's one.. I wonder what would be a nice tagline for me...all I can think of now is Chronically Camelia hahaha.

Crystal Clear Camelia.

2008-07-26T12:24:00.000-07:00

Lately, my days have been filled with nice surprises. Among those surprises are the new things I learnt about myself. As I've said, once the lesson appear, all the rapids in life gain its momentum and coherence.

Well, really I want people to see me as I am. To like me as I am. Because of the fine qualities in me and not because of how I am portrayed by the public eyes.

So far, conveying inner qualities proved to be a process for me. It doesn't happen automatically cause I'm so used to doing things the way I do, only to realize later that... I'm accutely misunderstood, especially by the opposite sex.

But let's keep our motto KEEP MOVING FORWARD!!! **** fireworks fireworks****

I'm in the process of erasing all the indecent obsession on me. This is a new era.